


it's like you're the other half of me

by tsukishimas



Series: oikuro week [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 07:57:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3319913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukishimas/pseuds/tsukishimas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>kuroo has never wanted to feel, but when he sees oikawa, that's all he can seem to do.</p>
</blockquote>
            </blockquote>





	it's like you're the other half of me

**Author's Note:**

> for oikuro week (really late i'm sorry). this was really hastily written and yeah i'm sorry. i'm just going to put myself in the trash can goodbye.
> 
> day 1: first meeting / **fate**
> 
> follow me on [tumblr](http://oikaqe.tumblr.com) if you want

There's three things Kuroo knows about Oikawa Tooru. The first is that he's overly optimistic when it comes to volleyball, always giving pep talks and encouragement to his teammates. The second, which goes hand-in-hand with the former, is that he's always smiling a bright, shining smile that seems to embody the sun itself — the kind that can blind you if you look for too long. And the last thing he knows is that Oikawa Tooru annoys him to no end. He's that kind of person that moms love because if how sweet he seems, but he can turn around and his cheerful smile changes to a nasty smirk in half a second. If there's one thing Kuroo can't stand, it's how casual he seems, chatting to all the schoolgirls outside the gym and hitting a jump serve that knocks their libero backwards like he could do it in his sleep. Oikawa Tooru makes him extremely angry, and he doesn't know why. 

 

They've never spoken before, but Kuroo finds himself at the Aobajousai matches far more often that he wants to be. He tells himself it's just to study the competition (after all, they say to keep your friends close and your enemies closer) but he knows that he's inexplicably drawn to the one player who has the number _1_ on his jersey.

 

Oikawa Tooru is someone that Kuroo will never understand, and he convinces himself he's better off not knowing anyway.

 

 

;

 

 

He's drawn to Oikawa like a moth is to a flame — and he knows if he flies near his wings will singe and smolder, yet he can't stop himself from wanting to be _closer, closer closer_.

 

"Maybe you're fated to him," Kenma says passively one day, after Kuroo tells him about his infuriating and unnerving obsession with Oikawa Tooru.

 

"That's ridiculous," he snaps back. "Fate? That doesn't even exist."

 

"You know about the strings, don't you?" Kenma gives him a sideways glance and, upon seeing Kuroo's confused and irritated face, sighs and begins to explain. "It's an old myth I was told once, about how we have strings called the Strings of Fate that bind us to our lovers, best friends, and enemies. Maybe you're bound to Oikawa as lovers."

 

Kuroo chokes and sputters. "We are not lovers. I barely know him, anyway. And I don't believe in strings or whatever the hell you're talking about."

 

"We're bound to each other, too," says Kenma. "We've been best friends for as long as I can remember. Don't you think that it has something to do with fate?" 

 

Kuroo grumbles and turns his head away. "Absolutely nothing."

 

 

;

 

 

The next match they play happens to be against Aobajousai, and Kuroo wants to bash his head into his locker.

 

He spots Oikawa right away — he's setting for his teammates to practice their spiking, and each one of his tosses arches perfectly in the air to be slammed down on the other side of the net.

 

Kenma glances over at him, doing is best to hide his amusement. "Are you going to go over and talk to Tooru?" 

 

"Shut up," he grumbles, and marches away from his friend to grab some volleyballs. 

 

After both teams have been practicing for several minutes, the referee blows his whistle and signals for the captains to come forward. He's not nervous, he tells himself, as he walks over to the side of the court and watches Oikawa approach from the other side. His hair looks even fluffier than the last time Kuroo saw him (he wants to punch himself for thinking about things like that) and his eyes sparkle with an optimism that's too bright to be genuine.

 

"Good luck," Oikawa says, and takes his hand. (His hand is smaller than Kuroo's and feels warm and soft. Just observations, he reminds himself.)

 

"Same to you," Kuroo replies evenly, shaking his hand. 

 

"I don't believe I've had he pleasure of playing your team before," he remarks. "I've heard great things. I'm Oikawa Tooru."

 

Resisting the urge to blurt out that he already knows who he is because of all the matches he's been to just to see him, he says, "Kuroo Tetsurou. That's very flattering to hear, coming from the Aobajousai captain. I look forward to the match."

 

Oikawa nods, still smiling wide as ever. He moves to take his hand from Kuroo's, but hesitates and stares between their hands with a strange look on his face. Kuroo is prompted to ask what it is as he follows his gaze, but the breath is immediately sucked out of his lungs.

 

Wrapped around his right wrist is a thin, red piece of string that drops down onto the floor. His eyes follow its path, which turns to out to be very short, as the other end of the string connects around Oikawa's left wrist. 

 

Kuroo starts to laugh a bit too abrasively and lifts up his arm. "Oh, very funny. I don't know how you guys managed to do this, but I would really appreciate an explanation to this joke."

 

Kenma, who's standing nearby and watching the scene, walks over and lifts both of their hands in the air at the wrist to inspect the string.

 

"Interesting," he says softly, just as monotonous as ever. "It seems your string appeared when you touched for the first time."  


 

"What are you talking about?" Kuroo demands.

 

"It's quite unusual," Kenma continues, more to himself than either boy. "Usually the string only appears after two people have established an emotional bond with each other."

 

" _Kenma_ ," Kuroo snaps angrily. "What do you mean about  _strings_?"

 

Kenma looks up at him with a blank expression. "The lovers' fate string."

 

" _Lovers_?" he exclaims in a panic. Oikawa looks bewildered as he watches Kuroo grab the front of Kenma's shirt. "The story you told me about the strings — that was all _real_?"

 

"Of course — I told you it was," Kenma replies evenly. 

 

"Are you sure it's the lovers' string?" Kuroo asks desperately, holding onto a shred of hope that this isn't his reality and Oikawa is not destined to be his true love. "You said something about enemies and friends, right?"

 

"The strings of friends are always blue," Kenma says. "But they rarely show, because most people don't need to see a string to know who their true friends are. The enemy strings are yellow. And red is for lovers."

 

Kuroo runs a hand over his face and groans. "This can't be happening."

 

"What's wrong, Kuroo-chan?" Oikawa finally speaks up. "You don't want to be my lover?" He feigns a sad frown and adds teasingly, "I'm hurt."

 

"I never said that," he mumbles, ignoring the nickname Oikawa used. "I just didn't think that ridiculous string myth was _real_."

 

"So you won't doubt me ever again?" Kenma says, looking quiet pleased, and Kuroo shoves his shoulder.

 

"How does this thing even work?" Kuroo brings his wrist closer to his face to examine it. He tugs on it ( _okay, it's tangible_ ) and tries to pull it over his hand and off his wrist, but it doesn't move.

 

"You can't remove the strings," Kenma informs him matter-of-factly. "There's a reason they're called Strings of Fate."

 

"Yeah, yeah," Kuroo snaps back. "So, what? We're expected to fall in love with each other and live happily ever after?"

 

Kenma shrugs passively. "You're not expected to, exactly. It will just happen — it's inevitable."

 

"Well, that's not ominous  _at all_ ," Kuroo remarks as sarcastically as possible. 

 

"I think it's cute," Oikawa says, grinning at him, and Kuroo covers his face with his hand out of both annoyance and embarrassment.

 

"Oh, and there's one more thing you need to know," Kenma says. "The string is able to be cut, and if it is, you won't be lovers anymore."

 

Kuroo's head snaps up and he brings his face so close to his friend's that their noses touch. "You mean we won't fall in love?"

 

Kenma shrugs once again. "That's the idea, yes. There's a chance that even people who once had a connected string that got cut could still fall in love, but generally after the first string is cut, a new one spawns and you go on to love that new person you're fated to."

 

"But what you're saying is that we won't fall in love," Kuroo repeats, because this could be his ticket out, his chance to start over and find a pretty girl, like his parents always wanted. 

 

"Yes."

 

He turns to Oikawa. "We're going to cut the string."

 

The other boy blinks in surprise. "But — "

 

The sound of a whistle rings harshly in their ears, followed by shouts from the referee and their teammates to come over so they can start the match. Kenma jogs over to the rest of the team, leaving Kuroo standing next to Oikawa. The brown-haired boy offers a small smile that almost seems apologetic, and then turns to walk back to the other side of the court. Kuroo watches the string stretch, expecting to be tugged along, but apparently these strings are considerate of personal space and create enough slack for them to be at a distance from each other. As the game begins, it doesn't take long to realize that the string does not, however, take in consideration of objects and people in its path, and within just a few minutes, people on both teams are tripping over and getting tangled in the string running across the court.  


 

Kuroo watches, embarrassed beyond belief, as Inuoka pulls at the string wrapped tightly around his leg and yells for help. When he looks over at Oikawa on the other side of the net, he has an amused smile plastered on his face.

 

Kuroo just really wants to disappear.

 

 

;

 

 

At the end of the match (in which both Kuroo and Oikawa were pulled out of the remainder of the game due to the chaos and injury they caused) as Kuroo walks with Kenma to the bus that will take them back to school, he hears footsteps running behind them, trying to catch up. 

 

"Kuroo-chan!" Oikawa's voice calls as he falls into step beside him. "We should talk about — " He lifts up his arm to showcase the string. 

 

Kuroo rolls his eyes. "Don't worry about it, I'll find something to cut it with when I get home."

 

Oikawa suddenly steps in front of him, their bodies bumping awkwardly against each other. He has a completely serious look on his face as he says firmly, "I don't want to cut the string."  


 

Kuroo opens his mouth, but then closes it when he realizes he has nothing to say. When he's gathered his thoughts, all he can manage is, "Why not?"

 

Oikawa shrugs and looks down at the ground, suddenly appearing shy. "I don't know, I kind of just...want to try it out, you know?"

 

Kuroo stares at him. "You want to try being..." He's too embarrassed to finish the sentence, but Oikawa seems to get it anyway.

 

"Yeah, just to see," he says. "It'll be interesting. And if in a week or two you still want to cut it, then we can."

 

A week as lovers, he thinks to himself, and then sighs audibly while putting on his most apathetic expression. "Okay, sure. Go crazy."

 

Oikawa's eyes light up like the sun. "Really? I'm looking forward to it, Kuroo-chan! Should we arrange a time to meet and get to know each other more?"

 

"Slow down," he replies, setting a hand on the other boy's shoulder. "How about we exchange numbers, and we can figure things out later?"  


 

Oikawa nods his head excitedly and eagerly hands over his phone. When Kuroo gets his own phone back, he sees Oikawa has put heart emojis on either side of his contact name.

 

"Hearts?" he says, trying his best to sound unamused. "Seriously?" 

 

"Well, we are fated lovers, after all," Oikawa responds brightly. "I'll talk to you later, Kuroo-chan!" He walks off humming happily to himself, and Kuroo shakes his head in disbelief.

 

Kenma, who'd been watching the entire thing in amusement, goes back to looking at his 3DS. "You're really going to just 'try out' being boyfriends with Tooru?"

 

Kuroo shrugs passively. "It's just a joke — a bit of fun, that's all."

 

"I'm just wondering why you want to cut the string so badly. I thought you liked him."

 

"I don't like him!" Kuroo yells, a bit louder than he meant. "It's just easier this way, okay?"

 

Kenma makes a noise of disapproval. "So you're going to get his hopes up an then crush them?"

 

Kuroo glances away and frowns. He hates it when Kenma tries to guilt him. "When you put it like that, it seems so evil. I'm just giving him what he wants for a little while. What's the big deal?"

 

Kenma doesn't respond, and Kuroo remains silent as well. He tells himself it's better this way.

 

_It's better this way._

 

 

;

 

 

The next day he finds himself at Oikawa house, due to a promise that he'd come over when Oikawa texted him last night to convince him to hang out. Now, they're seated next to each other on the couch playing Mario Kart on his Wii (which Kuroo is terrible at but Oikawa insisted they play) and shouting profanities at each other.

 

("Stop hitting me with your shells, you asshole!" 

 

"That's the entire point of this game, Kuroo-chan!")

 

He enjoys himself a lot more than he'd ever be willing to admit, and before he leaves to go back to his house for dinner, Oikawa invites him over the next afternoon after school to do homework. He agrees.

 

After that first afternoon of studying in Oikawa's room and then taking breaks to watch funny YouTube videos and eat snacks, it kind of becomes a thing. Kuroo goes over to Oikawa's after school every day, and it becomes a habit, a ritual, for them. And after that one night, when Oikawa's mother insists he stay for dinner, that becomes part of his daily schedule as well. He always returns with a small smile on his face and hums whatever song Oikawa was playing on his speakers as they studied, and if his mother notices his constant happy demeanor, she choses not to confront him about it. 

 

Kuroo enjoys Oikawa's presence a lot more than he thought he would, and often finds himself watching him when they're alone in his room. He notices that whenever Oikawa is thinking really hard about something, his tongue pokes out the side of his mouth and he furrows his eyebrows, and it's adorable. Oikawa also always smells like fresh fruit, which Kuroo first noticed when they were leaned over the math textbook and he could smell Oikawa's hair. (When Kuroo asks, he says it's his shampoo.) Oikawa likes chocolate, but only milk and not dark or white, and he always changes into an oversized sweater when they get to his room. He has a lot of them, Kuroo realizes, because for almost a month he's been wearing them and Kuroo doesn't think he's seen him wear the same one twice. 

 

When Kuroo asks about the sweaters and why he likes them so much, Oikawa says that he likes the feeling of being small inside them, and that they're soft and comfy. He gives Kuroo one to put on, a plain black one ("Because I know it's your favorite color!") with tiny silver stars sewn into it. He doesn't really want to wear it, because it's not really his style, but Oikawa is looking at him so hopefully with such a big smile and sparkling, sunny eyes that he sighs and puts it on. It _is_ comfortable, he notices as he feels the soft sleeves, and the warmth makes him feel somehow tranquil. 

 

If it's possible, Oikawa beams brighter when he sees Kuroo. "It looks good on you."

 

Kuroo chuckles and looks down at himself. "I guess. I don't think I've ever really worn a sweater like this before. It's really soft." 

 

"Isn't it nice?" Oikawa says. "You just look so huggable!" 

 

Kuroo is about to agree when Oikawa reaches over and wraps his arms around his middle, hugging him tightly. His entire body freezes at the contact, and he becomes aware of everything at once — Oikawa's soft hair bristling against his cheek, his long fingers grasping at the back of the sweater, his warm breath on his neck that sends shivers down his spine.

 

Oikawa pulls away slightly to look up at him with those stupidly pretty doe eyes, and then he's surging forward and pressing his lips to Kuroo's. The feeling makes his mind go blank and all he can think is that Oikawa is kissing him and it doesn't feel real and he never knew how much he wanted this until now.

 

When Oikawa pulls away, his cheeks are flushed red and his lips are shiny and pink and Kuroo really wants nothing more than to kiss him again. It's a dangerous thought, something foreign to him, because his whole life he's been closed off for the most part when it ever came to love, and his parents, they wanted him to bring home a nice, pretty girl, but he never could and he felt like he'd disappointed them.  _This isn't what you planned_ , something inside him reminds him, _this is not how things are supposed to go_. He was never supposed to want to be around Oikawa, wasn't supposed to want to hold him and kiss him and care for him. He isn't supposed to _feel_.

 

Oikawa's shy, cheerful expression quickly morphs into concern. "Kuroo-chan? Are you okay?"

 

Kuroo pulls out of his arms and backs away slowly. "I...I should probably go."

 

"But it's so early," Oikawa says. "You usually always stay for dinner."

 

Kuroo shakes his head over and over again. "I can't — I can't do this anymore."

 

The hurt look on Oikawa's face makes a lump form in his throat. "What are you talking about?" he asks hoarsely.

 

Kuroo closes his eyes and inhales deeply, knowing that he has to do something before everything goes wrong. "We're not lovers, and we can never be lowers."

 

He's never seen Oikawa look so upset and dejected, and it makes his heart splinter. Before Oikawa can speak, he whispers one last, "I'm sorry," and leaves with his backpack on his shoulder and tears pricking his eyes.

 

It's not until that he's in his room with his head buried underneath his pillow that he remembers that he's still wearing Oikawa's sweater, and he knows he should take it off because the less he remembers of Oikawa the less he'll feel. But he keeps it on as he reaches for his phone and types out a text with trembling hands.

 

_To: Oikawa Tooru_

i don't think things are going to work out. i'm sorry. i'm going to cut the string.

 

He presses send as the tears stinging his eyes begin to fall onto his cheeks. He stands up and searches his desk drawer for a pair of scissors and, when he find them, crawls back onto his bed and checks his phone, reading the reply.

 

_From: Oikawa Tooru_

okay.

 

The answer is short and bland and it hurts Kuroo even more to think that he made him feel that way, but he knows he has to do this, because it's for the better. He pins the string between the two blades and brings the scissors to the very top of it, where it meets the circle around his wrist, and cuts. The string falls onto his bed and he stares wet-eyed at where it lies limply, watches as it dissipates and then disappears altogether. 

 

_It's for the better._

 

 

;

 

 

He's miserable for the next week, doesn't show up for volleyball practice, and as soon as he comes home from school he hides away in his room. The sudden change of behavior worries his parents and teammates, and when he has the energy to check his phone every so often, he sees the large amounts of texts he's been sent, most of them from Kenma calling him an asshole and a dick and a lot more things for screwing things up to badly. And he can't even deny it, because he's right.

 

He's scared of feeling, and he knows it and it's ridiculous, because as much as he wants to love someone like Oikawa, there's always that fear, no matter what he's told, that he won't be loved back. The only way to make sure he never feels that way is to close himself off, even from the people he cares about. Feeling in itself is a danger.

 

After what he said, he doesn't expect to ever see Oikawa again (he probably most definitely hates him for what he's done), which is why he's shocked when, after he's dragged himself out of his bed on a weekend morning at the sound of the doorbell and opens the door, he sees Oikawa and Kenma standing in front of him.

 

"Oikawa?" he rasps, taking in the disheartened look on his face. "Kenma? What are you _doing_ here?"

 

"Getting through to you was impossible," Kenma says, stoic as usual. "After a while, I gave up and talked to Tooru about what happened. It seems you've made quite a mess of things, Kuroo."

 

"Tell me something I don't know," he mutters, not particularly in the mood for a lecture on all the ways he's screwed up.

 

"Sure thing," Kenma replies, and motions to Oikawa as he says, "You love him, and he loves you. I don't know why you've made this so complicated, because it's not."

 

"How could — what would _you_ know about how _we_ feel?" Kuroo sputters. Oikawa continues to look at his feet. 

 

"A lot more than you give me credit for," Kenma says calmly. "I've known you for almost my whole life. I know you close yourself off from people, like I do, which is why we got along so well. I know you don't like to feel because you're scared of being hurt. And while it's not an irrational fear, it's not hard to conclude that you're being totally irrational in this situation." He nudges Oikawa with his elbow and the two share a look, Kenma motioning with his eyes towards Kuroo. 

 

Oikawa finally looks up and meetes Kuroo's eye, and he feels a tug at his heart. "I haven't known you nearly as long as Kenma has," he begins. "And I don't know what happened to make you feel like you had to stop feeling in order to be safe. But I want you to know that I would never hurt you, because I love you." And he smiles then, not as he usually did, but it still holds tenderness in it.

 

Kuroo feels his mouth go dry and tears start to sting his eyes as he says, "I love you, too." And he knows he means it, he knows what he feels, and he doesn't want to destroy it, but rather let it free to bloom. 

 

The look on Oikawa's face is nothing short of pure joy — even Kenma has a small smile on his lips.

 

"I don't understand how or why you still love me, though," Kuroo says. "I cut the string."

 

Oikawa smiles fondly at him. "The string doesn't matter. I love you regardless of whether we're fated to be together or not. Nothing will change that."

 

For the first time, Kuroo smiles bright enough to watch Oikawa's. 

 

 

 

;

 

 

There's one more thing he knows about Oikawa Tooru, and it's that he's in love with him.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> can we just give a round of applause to kenma for making kuroo realize what a blockhead he was being i mean god bless.
> 
> if you liked this please let me know in a comment, it would make me incredibly happy. thank you for reading! xx


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